Random Acts of Sideshow

How to go from Ordinary Human to Blockhead.

It started in the pain and torture acts, sideshow performances in which the performers endured or seemed to endure intense pain.

Some survived crucifixion on a nightly basis. Others just pushed needles through their skin. Not like in this age when gratuitous piercing has rendered shoving a spike through your tongue meaningless. Nope, these guys and even a few girls shoved needles through parts rarely pierced today, like arms and legs. One nutty bastard even thrust a sword through his chest. And when I say through his chest, I mean it. From the front and out the back, not just through a bitsy piece of skin, impalement is the correct terminology. If you want to see the pictures visit the link to The Human Marvels, check his archives.

One of the common torture tests was for the performer to pound a large nail or spike into his nasal passage. It horrified. The audience believed the nail pierced skin, bone, and, perhaps, even brain to make its way into the head. Of course, the performer hammed it up.

Then came a man by the name of Melvin Burkhart, he changed everything. He took a minor torture piece, turned it into a showstopper, and gave birth to a generation of blockheads. The big change was that he played it for laughs. This made it accessible to audiences. Sure, it was still shocking, especially because he used a HUGE spike.

I have performed the Human Blockhead act for at least a decade. What makes a man pound a spike in his face? I think for Melvin, it was work; it was show business. For me, it was another challenge.

So many years ago when I decided being a magician was preferable to working for a living, I also decided that I wanted to learn everything about magic and its allied arts. I learned to juggle, ventriloquism, and eat fire. Right now, I am working on whip cracking.

I digress. Ten years ago, a friend, Scott Wagmeister, introduced me to the act. After some experimentation with Q-tips, I moved to nails. First, just sliding them in and then figuring how to “pound” them into my nose. I tried larger nails until I settled on a size and length that was comfortable. I believe my sinus passage would stretch, but I don’t want to go through the pain of enlarging it.

Now, you can find performers who have backslid into making the act a torture act again. They shove ice picks, screwdrivers, and drills into their heads. Whatever works. (Whatever sells!)

I prefer the middle road, a little shock, a little fun.
Make ‘em squirm, then make ‘em laugh; pull them and let them know everything is safe.

The other day a new addition for the act came in the mail. Glass Nails!

I’ll get to the maker in a moment. The nails are made from Pyrex. They look great and slide in smooth. One of their amazing properties is that they conduct light, much like fiber optics. When the nail is deep in my nose, I can put a flashlight in my mouth and light up the nails.

Cool. I’m the Human Lite-Brite.
(Lite-Brite is a registered trademark of blah, blah blah.)

The maker of these wonderful new tools is Brett Loudermilk, The Freak Prodigy. I found out that he made these in the sideshow section on the Magic Café. No, never fear, I am not a member. I lurk, mostly shaking my head in disbelief, except in the sideshow section, which seems pretty decent.

Back to the commercial, Brett has made an incredible product. I urge anyone reading this that does the blockhead act already to purchase some nails from him. Don't waver. For a few bucks, it will make your act better. Even if you just perform it for fun, these nails add a lot to the show. Here is his e-mail: bretteloudermilk@gmail.com

Hey, get your freak on.

Play Time

From the UMA website:

ORANGE LEMON EGG CANARY
by Rinne Groff

April 18 - May 18, 2007

Chopin Studio Theatre

Uma is proud to present the Midwest premiere of Obie Award-winning playwright Rinne Groff's ORANGE LEMON EGG CANARY. Great, a renegade magician with a mysterious legacy finds more than meets the eye in his sexy new assistant Trilby, who pursues him for the truth of his past and the truth behind his tricks. This funny, quirky modern love story has plenty of disappearing coins, floating objects, and the infamously dangerous and thrilling "chick-on-a stick." Not to mention a lovely assistant who talks a lot for being a dead woman. A magical exploration of the cheap tricks, smoke and mirrors and bonds of faith in modern romance, ORANGE LEMON EGG CANARY is sure to be an amazing night at the theatre, especially when experienced amidst one of Uma's fantastical "umavironments."

This production is appearing in Chicago for the first time. Dennis Watkins from the House Theater is playing the lead and did the magic consulting. He is a fine magician and actor, who many in Chicago remember from his role as Houdini in Death and Harry Houdini by the House Theater. I am looking forward in seeing this new show.

If you are in Chicago, it's a must do thing.

For more info, dates, and ticketing visit the website:

http://www.umaproductions.org/shows.php

Also see the article in the Friday, April 20, Weekend section of the Chicago Sun-Times for the article by their theater critic Hedy Weiss.

Or google the play's title, Orange Lemon Egg Canary for information on the original off-broadway production.

Quote Me

"One should not be nostalgic about too many things,

because more often than not, the memory takes the

form of a wish rather than a fact.

Sort of a soothing or a bitter deception."

--Stanley Crouch

Discovery

It is a wonderful thing to be curious. I never know what I might discover.

Find a website that has a link page; follow the links to another page and their link page, and so on and so on. (Of course, you better set aside some extra time to do this.)

I followed a link to a sideshow page, which moved me to a performer’s page, and linked me to the page linked at the end of this article.

Did I ever mention I am selfish? I almost want to keep this a secret, a little piece of magic I own. Yet, I realize there are so few opportunities to experience something so original and so magical.

In my experience, I come across a lot of performers, some good, a few great, most bad. Most don’t know good from bad, but that is another essay. The great masses of performers fall into a predictable cookie-cutter blur. It is why I stopped hanging around comedy clubs. Airplane routine, followed by cat routine, fast food routine, “I broke up with me girlfriend because she dumped me.” etc. etc. etc.

Rarely, a performer will stand out, like a Mac King. Original. Cirque Du Soleil creates its own alternate universe. Original. (Not that a classic act can’t work and work well, a la Lance Burton.) In is just when you see something new to your world, it adds so much more.

Back to this website, it describes a show I have never seen and may never see. It could suck. But not in my head. See it, I felt lost in a daze of wonder like Alice down the rabbit hole. They created such an alternate world as Alice experienced.

As a writer, I should be able to describe anything; a loss for words is not an option. I look at what they’ve done with awe, admiration, a bit of jealousy, and wonder.

See it for yourself: Insect Circus Museum & Peep-Show Mechanical Menagerie

Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
--Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898), Alice in Wonderland

Jamy Ian Swiss

Either you love him or you hate. That seems like the consensus of the magicians that I speak with. He is a person that gets strong reactions. He is not afraid to have an opinion. (That, by the way, is a very good thing.)Yet, even when I disagree, I respect his choices. They are generally backed by actual thought, unlike much of what I see written on message boards, magazines, and blogs. Not only that, but he is a pretty good and interesting writer.

Here is a link to an excellent essay of his on the search for street magic, appearing in Antinomy. Read it.

http://antinomymagic.com/swiss.htm

Second Hand Jokes

Here are a few jokes that were sent to me and thought were worth retelling:

A woman had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant.
As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The man sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the news.
"Sir," she said, "I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust."
"What's that?" asked the stranger.
"After years of trying, FINALLY I'm pregnant!" exclaimed the woman.
The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his own experience -- he said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy. He added, "But, confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially...so did I!"


On a farm out in the country lived a man, a woman, and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to nourish her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself!
When the man awoke to find his wife (as well as the cow) dead, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head!
Then the eldest son awoke to discover his parents (and the cow!) dead, and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank...
The mermaid said, "I've seen all, and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to life." The son agreed to do this, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So, the mermaid drowned him in the river!
Next, the second oldest son awoke. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right!" And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river!
The youngest son awoke and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in... and there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not thirty times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.” Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"



President George H. W. Bush, President George W. Bush, and President Bill Clinton are traveling by car through Kansas. A tornado comes along, whirls them up into the air, and tosses them many miles away. They fall into a daze. All the colors are now brighter and more vibrant. They realize they are in the fabled Land of Oz. George W. announces: “I’m going to see the Wizard and I'll ask him for a brain."
George H. W. responds: "I'm going to ask for some courage.”
Clinton looks around and says: "Where's Dorothy?"

Happy April First!

(By the way, Happy Anniversary to me. This is my 100th post--Bill)