Friday, June 20, 2008

Second Hand Jokes

It’s been a while since my last Second Hand Jokes post. Most of the good jokes I’ve heard, I would not post here. I’d rather tell them. Those who know me know I am fond of the silliest, dumbest, puniest jokes. I also love the dirtiest, sickest, and meanest jokes. This one is neither.

This joke could be Second Hand Jokes meets Selling Magic. It is a specialized joke, one that salesmen tell other salesmen. It was told to me by a customer before he left my store empty handed because he didn’t want to carry that heavy Svengali deck around the pier with him. Hey, he had to pass my store on the way out anyhow he could pick it up then. (This is one of the common, “I don’t want to buy, but I’d rather lie than say so.” Excuses I hear at the store.)

He told it a more of a generic joke. I rewrote it with a more specific bent.

A Svengali pitchman dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter is showing him around, cloud to cloud, when he says, “You know, I’ve been a pitchman all my life and eternity is a long time. What am I going to do?”

St. Peter replies “Don’t worry. We have an area for pitchmen. You can set up there.”

So the pitchman was happily pitching, when after a few hours he has to go to the bathroom. He asks one of the other pitchmen where he can go.

The guy says, “We just go over to the edge and pee over the side.”

The pitchman looks of the edge and says, “But there are a whole bunch of people down there.”

And the guy says, “That’s okay, those are just the be-backs.”

Just about any salesman will laugh at this joke. But then I got to think of the absurdity of the joke and started to break it down. Here is an annotated version of the same joke:

A Svengali pitchman dies and goes to heaven.
Right here everything falls apart. Everyone knows the pitchmen (myself included) are lying, cheating, thieving whores who are all going to hell.

St. Peter is showing him around,
What is it with St. Peter? Gatekeeper/Tour guide? First, Jesus changes his name from Simon to Peter on a whim. Then he sticks him in this dead (no pun intended) end job. Man, Jesus just walks all over this guy. (I almost wrote: Jesus, Jesus walks all over that guy.)

cloud to cloud,
Great, ethereal insubstantial beings walking around on ethereal insubstantial things. The laws of time and space are but a mockery. (Thanks, Jeff Korst. Where ever you are.)

when he says, “You know, I’ve been a pitchman all my life and eternity is a long time. What am I going to do?”
Gee, I don’t know. Maybe, lounge?

St. Peter replies “Don’t worry. We have an area for pitchmen.
See my first note about pitchmen in heaven.

You can set up there.”
And just who is buying Svengali decks up there.

So the pitchman was happily pitching,
Pitchmen are not happily pitching, they are happily selling.

a few hours he has to go to the bathroom. He asks one of the other pitchmen where he can go.
You are a spirit, unbound to the mortal coil. Why do you gotta pee? What are you drinking in the first place?

The guy says, “We just go over to the edge and pee over the side.”
This is exactly the kind of advice you would get from a competing pitchman.

The pitchman looks of the edge and says, “But there are a whole bunch of people down there.”
Who are these people who can feel your pee, but not see you selling Svengali decks in the clouds?

And the guy says, “That’s okay, those are just the be-backs.”
Wait, perhaps this is pitchman heaven.


Hope you had fun. Be back soon.
Bill

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for thinking of me, but it's David Roth's.

Best regards,

Jeffrey Korst

chgomagic said...

Hey Jeff,
You were the only guy I ever heard say it. But I am glad you set the record straight.

And actually, we (the Bit o' Magic gang) think of you often here.

We miss you in Chicago. Heard you were out of magic. Say it ain't so.

Hope things are all well.

Bill