Christmas Card from 2003

It's Bad to be a Monster on Christmas


I.
It’s bad to be a monster on Christmas.
The size of your family is sure to increase
When you are put together piece by piece.
Each part of me has its own family tree,
Why, in moms alone I equal thirty-three.
Brothers and sisters fill the dining room,
Nieces and nephews play down in the tomb,
Aunts and Uncles in the parlor, den, and hall,
And there’s just no room for cousins at all.
It’s bad to be Frankenstein’s monster on Christmas.

II.
I found a fine place to lurk,
While Molly finished her late holiday work.
But, it certainly was not the place to be,
‘Cause a few too many hours of work did she.
For, Molly, who was just doing her job,
Dressed me in a hat, vest, watch chain and fob.
I guess since I’m covered head to toe with hair,
I’ve been mistook for a Vermont teddy bear.
GRRR...It’s bad to be a Werewolf on Christmas.

III.
Of this Christmas thing I’ve not been told,
Though I am over five thousand years old.
Are bandages part of the holiday theme?
They must, for a pre-wrapped gift I must seem.
Freddy added a tag and stuck on a bow
And now I’m gift to his crazy Aunt Flo.
It’s bad to be the Mummy on Christmas.


IV.
I’m to be greeted with shock, surprise, or fright,
When I try to take my nightly bite,
But, at Xmastime, I’m the one all agog,
‘Cause everyone I bite tastes like eggnog.
Yuk....It’s bad to be Dracula on Xmas.

V.
Terrorizing a lagoon can be really quite nice,
Until swimmers become skaters and you’re stuck under thick ice.
It’s bad to be The Creature from the Black Lagoon on Christmas.

VI.
Every other time of year,
When at the witching hour I did appear,
My shocked victims would run far and fast.
Now they ask, “Which one are you? Future, Present or Past?”
It’s bad to be a Ghost on Christmas.

VII.
I once was the monster under your bed,
But now that’s filled with presents instead.
I tried to spook the closet next, but that made me blue,
When the monster there said, “There’s no room for two!”
I was fit to be tied,
A monster with no place to hide.
Hmmm, maybe behind that strange tree,
Oh no...what’s this...more gifts I see?
And this one... it’s addressed to... (gulp) ... me!
It’s good to be a monster on Christmas.