Last Sideshow Photo 1

The Last Sideshow? Part 1

Because this is a long essay, I will be dividing it up into small pieces and publishing it every couple of days.
(You can find out more about the real life characters and sideshows in general at Sideshowworld.com.)


Ward Hall retired in 2001. After most of his life on the road, 50 of those years owning a sideshow, he earned retirement. However, Ward is a true showman and is on the road again.

It started when he was asked to put together a sideshow for another promoter, but that promoter ran short of funds. Ward took that show out. And the perspective showman? He works for Ward now.

I caught up with the show at the Minnesota State Fair. It is my first visit to a real sideshow, not one of those “new wave” shows. This is the last link to the shows of yore. As a fan of the odd and unusual, I had to see it myself.

It was as cool as I expected and as sad as I feared.

Entering the fair, there are two choices of direction, left or right. I went right. It was wrong way. After walking for an hour, I finished the non-sideshow side of the fair. Minnesota, I notice, has become the junk food capital of the world. At least 70% of all the booths I walk by are food sellers. My favorite, the one I eat at, advertises, “Nothing on a stick”, food served on a plate being a novelty in these parts. There are hot dogs on a stick, pizza on a stick, corn on a stick, candy on a stick. If it is edible and you can put it on a stick, you can eat it at the Minnesota State Fair, which I believe, is their main advertising slogan.

I finally see the show at the end of the left side midway. I fight the urge to run to it like a youthful lover. I take time for a picture and as I near, another. Finally, I stumble towards my dreams and the front lives up to all of them. An upper row of ten banners, a lower row of seven more, and a larger banner above proclaiming, “World of Wonders,” It is a real, live ten-in-one show.

The greatest sideshow banner artist alive, Johnny Meah, painted those banners. Each one costs $2000 to $3000, unless he gives Ward a discount. Ward has bought many banners in his time. The reds, oranges, blues, and greens combine into an orgy of images. The banners do their job and draw every eye. They seduce, not in subtle whispers, but in exclamation points. I take photos of them all. They are my Monets and Picassos, artwork of dreams, fantasies, and nightmares.

They call out...

ALIVE

ON STAGE

SEE IT NOW

MEDICAL MIRACLE

Quote Me

"It's not what you said that counts;

it's what they heard."

-- J. Walter Thompson Agency, New York, Attributed

Copywriter Dictum

The Other Side

Okay, now I want to talk about some magicians that I’ve never had a bad experience with and continue to purchase their products. As always, other people’s experiences may be different, don’t just take my opinion about it.

David Acer is a terrific lecturer, fun and still a decent guy.

Joshua Jay has every right to be arrogant. When I was his age, I was and I had one-tenth the talent he possesses. However, he is talented, knowledgeable, and down-to-earth. His parents raised him right.

Tom Mullica has been mentioned several times on this blog. He is my favorite magician of all time. The magic world is lessened without him.

David Williamson is just a regular guy who deserves all the good press he gets.

Bob Sheets love of magic oozes out of every pore and gets me excited about this stuff ever when I feeling down.

I saw Chris Capehart lecture only once. He lived up to all the buzz. Chris did one thing I have never seen. When he lectured in Chicago, he went to Michigan Ave. and did some street performing. Since this was the subject of his lecture, he went and “proved” it worked. Genius.

Jimmy Molinari was one of the more entertaining lectures, maybe because of all those great stories from doing magic in the seventies in Chicago. Just remember, you have to keep asking to get those stories out of him.

There are only a few lecturers I never miss, one is Docc Hilford. Yes, he is a bit of a conman. His books are generally overpriced and over-hyped. But, damn, if that material doesn’t look really cool when he performs it. Even if his material is not you kind of work, go see his lecture. He is one strong performer.

One of my first lecturers was Eugene Burger; he is continually engaging and thoughtful. I like to think of him as a friend.

Ross Johnson only did a few lectures, but they were great. Alas, he says he won’t do any more. Ross is a brilliant mentalist who is one of the few people that can fool me.

I never thought I would say this, but recently I went to a David Solomon lecture and it was one of the better lectures I’ve seen. Great fun and accessible material.

Pit Hartling is a nice guy. He is also one of the best magicians in the world. The Flicking Fingers as a group tend to over shadow him. But his material, and his performance of it, ranks as a don’t miss event.

There are other great lecturers and good guys in magic. I am sure I missed a few, but these are the ones that come to mind.

Now I want to talk about some people who have reached a high level of fame and esteem in magic. All of which have treated me as an equal, even though they didn’t even know me.

We know the late Bob Read was a great performer and lecturer. He was also very generous with his time and knowledge. He didn’t have to be, He just was.

Paul Daniels is treated like magic royalty when he comes to the states. He was/is a huge star in England. Once, at Abbott’s, we closed down the VFW. He sat with me and talked about magic and television. Comparatively speaking, I was nobody, but that didn’t matter to him. Twice he has stopped into the store at Navy Pier and both times, he didn’t act like a prima donna. He has been a class act.

Jim Steinmeyer may be one of the most important figures in magic today. From his illusion designs to his historical writings, he will influence a generation of magicians. He has always treated me as an equal, whether I deserve it or not.

The same could be said for Teller, the good cop half of Penn and Teller. Even though, he deluged with attention, his patience amazes me.

Famous for being a curmudgeon, Ricky Jay has been nothing but a gentleman to me. I only wish I could express myself as well as he does in his writings.

I want to publicly thank all of these performers for not only the example they set by how they treated me, but for their generous sharing of their talent and knowledge.

My life is better for it.

Okay, did we learn anything from this?

Selling Magic 5

Now, I want to tell you why I don’t buy products from Jay Sankey. It is for different reasons than the previously mentioned, Darryl. I have been a huge fan of Jay. I believe he is one of the most talented and creative magicians in the magic world and I would not hesitate to recommend his material. I attended every lecture of his in the Chicago area. In my experience, I have never seen him treat anyone poorly. I have never had a bad experience with him. All which have made my decision very difficult.

The first thing that started to bother me was the repeat selling of effects. A trick is written up in a book, then in the lecture notes, then on video, and, yet again, sold as an individual item. Now, some may say he is just giving the marketplace more options. I don’t think so. Jay, by the way, is not the only magician who commits this sin of over commerce.

Next, he signed an exclusive contract with Penguin Magic, effectively shutting out the magic shops that have supported his career. You could only get his magic in one place, Penguin. Wait...that is not quite true. Jay also wanted the shops he just screwed to pay him to come to their stores and sell the products they were not allowed to sell. Some nerve.

On a tangent: The dirty little secret about magic lectures is that the magic shops that sponsor them make little to no money. Often, the shop loses money. The admission fee pays the lecturer’s fee and his hotel. The lecturer also makes considerable money selling his wares. Nice, we pay him for the privilege of buying his stuff. The only money the shop makes is when the sell some of their own products. There is something very wrong with our current system of booking lectures.

Then, when Jay left Penguin, he came up with another scheme. He created “approved dealers”. These dealers had to buy large amounts of his products up front in order to become “approved”. Sure, some dealers like Hocus Pocus could buy a large amount, but most shops buy small quantities. We are talking one, two, at most a dozen items at a time, not 50 to 100. It is not economically feasible to buy large amounts. The best magic shop in the Chicago area, Midwest Magic, does not move 50 Sankey items in a year.

And then, of course, Jay wants to lecture at the shops that can’t afford to sell his products.

Why not just sell stuff in large quantities to a distributor like Murphy’s Magic and let them sell to all the shops? You would sell many more products, but you would have to sell them at a jobber rate than a wholesale rate. In the long term, the net profit would be the same.

Here is the thing; Jay Sankey has every right to sell his products in any way he wants.

But I don’t have to like it and I don’t have to support it.

So, what have we learned from this?

Selling Magic 4

I do not buy any of Darryl’s products.

I can really hold a grudge. Some might say I am a stubborn S.O.B. and they might be right. But the first and only time I met Darryl Martinez, he was a jerk.

Now, I can certainly look at the work Darryl has accomplished and agree that he is a talented magician. I will not debate that I have read many stories about him were he doesn’t seem like a jerk. So maybe this was a one-time problem, but I doubt it. Besides, how often does a magic magazine give you get the real story about one of their advertisers anyway? (I am speaking about all of our magazines, not one in particular.)

A few years ago, I went to see Darryl lecture at a local magic shop. This would be my first time to see him and I was eager because he has a sort of “legendary” status among magicians.

I paid my money, stood in back, as I usually do, and witnessed this conversation before the actual lecture started.

Darryl (to someone in the front row): So do you have my tapes?

Front row magic-geek: Sure I do, I have them all.

Darryl: Well, I have the new ones.

Front row magic-geek: I have those, too.

Darryl: The new ones? How? Where did you get them?

Front row magic-geek: I bought them from Bob, (the guy sponsoring the lecture), as soon as they came out.

Darryl: What? This is ridiculous! I came here to sell stuff. I gave up a well-paying gig to come here and...(sputtering) Bob...Bob...What are you doing selling him my tapes? I came here to sell this stuff. Why else would I come here? The conversation continued like this for a few more minutes.

Later, still before the lecture, Bob made the mistake of asking Darryl if he would take a picture with the group of magicians that paid to see him lecture to which he replied, “No. No, I’d rather not..” Shook his head, “NO”. The room is not big enough to hold this guy's ego.

I didn’t want to screw Bob or I would have asked for my money back. I stayed for the lecture, stone faced and contemplating beating the shit out of Darryl. (I am still thinking about it.)

How could he throw such a tantrum, before his lecture, in front of everyone? He just stopped short of stomping his feet and holding his breath. How could he be so mad that someone bought his tapes? He should be happy someone bought his tapes. How much more profit does he need to make? Does that one set of tapes make that much of a difference?

There are two postscripts to this story:

1) I cannot believe anyone bought anything from this douche bag during the break.

2) The next day Darryl called and apologized, not for his behavior, but because how he acted would be all over the internet. SO, you are not sorry you acted like a dick, but you are sorry other people will find out about it. Nice Guy.

Now, your experience with Darryl may be very different and that is fine by me.

But, I will never buy a product from Darryl.

Now, what have we learned from this?

Bill’s Book List

Here are some non-fiction books that I’ve read and think some of you might enjoy.

The Unsinkable Titanic Thompson, by Carlton Stowers
This is the true story of the world’s greatest conman. I laughed on just about every page at the clever and bold swindles invented by Ti.

Dan Rice, The Most Famous Man You’ve Never Heard Of, by David Carlyon
Rice was the greatest clown of his time, not the white face baggy pants kind of clown, but the Dennis Miller, John Stewart, or Bill Maher kind of clown. He toured America with one of the earliest domestic circuses. The book is an amazing look at civil war era entertainment. Now forgotten, he was the most famous man in America.

The Great Farini, The High-Wire Life of William Hunt, by Shane Peacock
Farini was second only Blondin in fame for his wire walking and he may have first in skill. This is a rousing account of one of the great daredevils of all time. Not only that, but Farini invented the shooting-out-of-a-cannon act and was Barnum’s equal in the advertising and promotion field.

Secrets of the Sideshows, by Joe Nickell
Who knew that the indefatigable skeptic and exposer of humbug once worked in a sideshow? This book is less exposé and more nostalgic look back. Fun to read.

No Applause Just Throw Money, by Trav S.D.
Another fun read. A history of Vaudeville full of great stories and important insight.

With It, A Year on the Carnival Trail, by Barbara Bamberger Scott
Listed as fiction, but it rings so true. You, too will be “with it” after reading this book. It is total immersion in the argot of the carny world. I can’t wait to get a good loke and set up some flash in my alibi shop.

City of the Century, by Donald Miller
Floyd Dell, in 1912, said, “One reason for knowing the history of Chicago is that the history of Chicago is the history of the Middle West. And the history of the Middle West is, to a larger extent than the school textbooks have ever permitted us to discover, the history of a nation.” City of the Century covers Chicago from its discovery to the Columbian Exposition. None of the historical books I recommend are dry reads; they are full of life and vigor, much like their subjects.

The Devil in the White City, by Erik Larson
The construction of the greatest of all World’s Fairs and the serial killer who used it as his hunting grounds. Wow. Compelling history at its best. Reads like a novel, but it is all true.

The Wicked City, by Curt Johnson
This is one of the best histories of Chicago. The subtitle reads, “From Kenna to Capone”. The book covers turn-of-the-century Chicago by comparing the ways of the dynasts, like Marshall Field, and the crime lords and politicians. How similar they are.

Secrets of Closing the Sale, by Zig Ziglar
The greatest salesman writes the greatest book on sales. In every facet of your life, personal and professional, you are selling yourself. Talking to a client, you are selling. Going on a date, you are selling. Trying to talk your spouse into buying your dream house, you are selling. This book will give you a toolbox of sale techniques. Have I sold you yet?

Selling the Invisible, by Harry Beckwith
Great advice for selling services instead of products.

You are the Message, by Roger Ailes
A must have book for anyone that have to communicate anything. Roger was a republican political consultant, but don’t hold that against him. He has important advice for communicating more effectively.

Jump Start Your Brain, by Doug Hall
Doug Hall is a genius and if he doesn’t have the papers to prove it, he should. If you want to be more creative, use this book. Real world examples and exercises to stimulate your thought processes. There is no better book on creativity.

The Elements of Style, by William Strunk and E.B. White
The tiny bible of writing. I have read a lot of bad writing in the blog world. You should at least know the rules before you break them. Besides, can you be taken seriously if you sound like a dope?

On Writing, by Stephen King
Part biography, part writing lesson, from the most popular writer of our times. It is hard to argue with success. Valuable writing advice with not a lot of rules.

On Writing Well, by William Zinsser
Informative guide to writing nonfiction. I find this book particularly inspiring as a writer.


Now run over to Amazon and pick up a few titles. Next time I’ll work up a few choice selections of fiction.

And don’t forget to let me know what you thought of the books.

Selling Magic 3

This is a sort of 4 for 1 post.

1) Listening is a skill.

Today I asked this question of a customer, "Did you have a question; something I could help you with?"
To which he answered, "A few years back I did, but nothing recently."
And I thought, “Wha...?”

Now I realize his statement could possibly be an answer to my query. However, my guess is that he was not listening an answered a totally different question that existed only in his head. Listening is a skill that needs to be cultivated. Do so. Now.

2) The people I meet.

Monty Gabor stops into the shop on Saturday and asks me about the magician Thurston. As when anyone asks about any magician, I give him a thumbnail biography on the magician. To which he replies, “Oh, wow, I never realized he was so famous. I thought he was just a local guy. My grandmother used to tell stories of him all the time. She was a chorus girl in the theater and assisted Thurston in Chicago.”

Monty’s grandmother, Bernice, died ten years ago. His memory is hazy on some of the stories; I hope his parents will have more information. He did remember some other details about twins being used, etc. He also remembered that she lived in a settlement house during the depression with many other performers who were not making ends meet.

It sounds like his grandmother had an amazing and interesting life.

And this comes to my point, seek out and listen to those who have stepped through life before us. Every life is a story. I am slowly piecing together much of my grandfather’s life and it is every bit as heartbreaking and moving as Angela’s Ashes, but I will never know the full story because I didn’t ask him when he was alive. I regret I didn’t. Now, I seek out stories, try to ask questions, and listen to what is said. You should also.

There is an interesting story waiting for you right in your own home.

3) Don’t be a jerk.

This scene happens more often than it should: A dad or mom brings their child into the store with this exhortation, “Do you want to do some magic? Do you want to learn a trick?” The child, of course, does.

I show them a few things that would be suitable, that being my job and all. And I give them the whole spiel about how these are the tricks suitable for that age and how I will show them how it works and that I will give their money back if the child can’t do it.

At which point the parent turns to their child and says, “Well, I don’t know that looks too hard for you. I don’t think you can do that.” etc. Any reason not to buy.

You know; if you are going to be a cheap fuck, don’t blame your child. Don’t be a dick and tease your child with the prospect of buying something only to mind fuck them and take it away. If you are not interested in boosting their morale, stay out of my store, asshole.

4) The other people you meet.

I had a young cute, very blonde couple stop in the store. They were both quiet and seemed shy. Finally, they started to talk to me and when they did; they couldn’t stop. They asked question after question. “When did you start magic? What was your first trick? Do you have magic friends? Who is the best magician? Who is your favorite?” And so on.

I have had these types of questions before and, at times, my inclination is to give a smart-ass answer. Heck, sometimes they are asking personal questions. Is it really any of their business? What do they care? Now I try to answer honestly.

I figure I must be a strange person to them, with an exotic job. They are genuinely curious as to how someone comes to magic as a life choice. It is who I am, so I never think about it. But to most people it might as well be another planet.

This couple was fun to talk to and made for a nice break in my day.

Until...

I started to explain to them that Tom Mullica was my favorite magician of all time. They asked if he was still doing magic. So, I tried to tell them how he was now doing a Red Skeleton tribute show. Now when I said the name Red Skeleton, they looked at each other with that blank look. A look void of recognition. I suddenly felt 70 years old instead of 38.

I feel lucky. I think I am the last generation to experience the true greats of comedy, acting and magic. Not that many of these people can’t be seen on video, it is just most kids these days (There is a phrase I never thought I’d say.) don’t seek them out. I have had conversations with people even my age that refuse to watch anything in Black and White.

Maybe that’s good, I can keep it to myself. Don’t listen to me. You are not missing anything.

Quote Me

"We write to taste life twice,

in the moment and in retrospection."

- Anais Nin

The Zoppé Family Circus

Today, while Doug Higley was writing about the “new” Ringling Bros. Circus, I attended one of the final local performances of the Zoppé Family Circus. Zoppé is a throwback, not a hundred years, but over a hundred and fifty years. The family has been in the circus business since 1842.

They now run a single ring, 500-seat tent show. It really is an intimate family affair. That girl who sells souvenirs, she is also an acrobat. Another beauty selling lemonade works the trapeze. The guy hawking the cotton candy and popcorn juggles and dances on the slack rope.

83-year-old Poppa Alberto Zoppé came to America in the early 40s when he appeared in Cecil B. DeMille’s The Greatest Show on Earth. His son, Giovanni is NINO the clown and the center piece of the show and the business.

He revived the show and has been trying to make a go of it ever since. The competition from larger shows, gas prices, and an uneducated public make it a tough go. They don’t carry with them the trappings of other small circuses or carnivals: no games, sideshows, or mitt camps. The show is everything and really, the only thing they sell. Okay, there is a ding at intermission, if you want to take a photo with a miniature horse.

What a wonderful show they put on. When I was a child, my parents took me to the circus. It was the Ringling show at Chicago’s International Amphitheatre. I don’t remember much; I was too young. The show was too big show; this is the first small show I’ve seen.

The show starts before you enter the tent. The performers come out with musical instruments in hand. They get the audience going with a traditional Italian sing-a-long and some dancing. Inside, it smells like circus, all sawdust and canvas.

The acts are classic circus: trapeze, trained dogs, juggling, slack rope, and acrobatics. However, NINO is the real star of the show. He plays off the ringmaster/clown/heavy/bad guy. The ringmaster constantly trying to ruin NINO’s fun and NINO getting the best of him in the end. All to the audiences delight and sometimes to my jaded eyes’ surprise. New wrinkles and clever twists had me smiling and laughing.

This satisfying show warmed my nostalgic heart. The Zoppé Circus is now headed to New York. Those of you that can, see them. Rather than thank me, thank the Zoppés for keeping these traditions alive.

(Doug Higley’s Pygmyland Herald is linked on the side bar. And you can visit The Zoppé Family Circus at http://www.zoppe.net.)

Lingo

Working Blue

Every performer knows the definition of blue material. It is performance material, usually sexually explicit, “dirty” or curse words. To work “blue” means that you use that kind of material. It has also used as the term “blue law” which puts limits on performances.

But, why do we call it “blue” or “blue material”?

In the late 1800s, industries such as steel, traction, gas, and oil were being consolidated into monopolies. Vaudeville was no different. One of those who controlled the theaters was B. F. Keith.

The Keith-Albee circuit owned the most important theaters and the most theaters. Only a handful of performers had the fame or power not to follow the Keith-Albee rules and if you didn’t follow the rules, you didn’t work.

As Keith expanded his theater chain and as the bills were expanded to continuous, all-day Vaudeville, he needed to clean up the normally crass performances for an audience of more than just men. Mrs. Keith took on the task.

“At her behest, all manner of blasphemy and lewdness was expunged.”

First, “notice to performers” signs listed the don’ts and don’ts for onstage performances.

Later, managers for the organization would send “suggestions” back to the performers in little blue envelopes. The performer must then change the offending material or be barred from the circuit.

That is why performers today use “blue” to describe any kind of offensive or barred material.

The quote and background comes from, " No Applause--Just Throw Money, The Book That Made Vaudeville Famous" by Trav S.D. This is a terrific history of Vaudeville. You should click over to Amazon.com and buy it. Now.

I was a Third Grade Forger

O. K. I am 38 years old, I did this in the third grade, and I never told my mother the full story.

One of the problems I’ve had was that I always got good grades in with little effort. I am a good test taker, but I hated homework. Change that “hated homework” to “was lazy” and didn’t feel like doing homework.

It was a revelation to realize that my mother’s handwriting was so bad that I could duplicate it. I could quickly dash off a note, sign it and....woohoo...there was nothing I had to do.

And, it worked, for a while at least.

After one note too many, I was caught. My teacher made me confess. She sent me to the principal’s office to call my mother.

She was so shocked and she made a mistake. She sent me to the office alone. Big mistake, I had one more trick.

It didn’t come right away. I had to wait to see the nun who was the principal. There I formulated my plan, I would confess only as much as I needed.

The note shoved deep in my back pocket. Through tears, I confessed that I was sent to the office for not doing my homework. We called my mom and I confessed again. I think I was grounded until I started doing my homework regularly again.

After I returned to the classroom, my teacher asked if I told about the homework. “I did.” She asked then, “Did you tell her about the note, too?”

Not a momentary pause, “Yes.”

Sometimes it is fun to get away with something, isn’t it?

Just don’t tell my mother.

Quote Me

The Chicago Tribune Magazine (08/06/06) had two fun and interesting items in it.

Second, on the inside back page, they published a wonderful picture of the Flying Cars ride at Riverview park. Also were some wonderful facts about Riverview like they were considered the safest park of its kind. They once boasted that they went seven years without a fatality.

(No mention of the condition of those who survived.)

First, There is a nice article about the Cirque Shanghai. They are performing 10 shows a week at Navy Pier all summer. If you haven't seen it, you should. There are some talented performers doing all sorts of eye-popping acts. Be forwarned, the narration is tourist kitch and the sound is terrible. But you don't need either to enjoy the acts.

There is a quote in the article I would like to share.

Feng Wang, a 32 year veteran acrobat, is fond of this old Chinese saying:

"One minute on stage requires 10 years offstage."

So, guys...get working.

Harry Kellar 1886

In my searches, I've uncovered many previously unseen advertisements for magicians. Usually, the ads that get the most interest are the ones with special artwork. This ad is one of my favorites. No special artwork. Nothing significant. Just some great ad copy.

When was the last time something bewildered you so that you could scarcely realize your own earthly existence?

Selling Magic Part 2

A lot of magic and just as many customers...

Eleven years,
50 weeks a year, 4 days a week, 10 hours a day,
Roughly a total of 22,000 hours.

I estimate I have performed many of the tricks I sell well over that 22,000. Some as many as 40,000 times.

Magicians all experience the same kinds of situations, no matter what venue you work. Working in a high traffic magic shop geared to the public, I run into those situations with a much higher frequency.

I went through phases. I tried to find the right line to answer the situation. Then, I tried to ignore it. Now, these things just annoy me.

First, if you are a non-magician, please know that while your friends my laugh at you occasionally; you are not a comedian. The first thing that comes into your head, that you think is funny, somebody has thought of it first. I've heard it before. So, keep it to yourself. It's not that funny anyhow.

Here is a list of things I’ve heard over 22,000 times and want never to hear again.

This first line has a few variations:
“Can you make my wife disappear?”
Pal, it sounds like you’re doing a good enough job already.

“Can you make my husband disappear?”
Lady, it’s Chicago, 5,000 dollars can make anything happen.

“Can you make my kids disappear?”
You won’t be saying that when they’re gone.
There should be a special place in hell for the jerks that ask this.

The second line has a few variations, but essentially all the same:
“Can you turn my one into a hundred? Can you make money appear in my pocket? Can you make my bills disappear?”
If I could do that, I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you. I'd be at home in my underware, makin' hundreds.

Next up, the ever popular:
“You’re a magician, make me skinny.”
I’m a magician, not a miracle worker.

The increasingly popular:
“Can you do magic?”
Well, of course I can, I work in a magic store. Do these people go into McDonalds and ask if they know how to make burgers?

On occasion, I am alone at the store and have to eat my lunch where the public could see it:
“Look, he’s making his burger/water/soda/lunch/food disappear.”
Wow, I've never heard that before. “Really?” No.

Next:
“Don’t do anything funny with my credit card.”
That would hurt repeat business.

Last and very similar:
"I better be careful giving a magician my money." or "I had better watch my wallet.”
Fuck you, if I wanted to steal your money I would have hit you over the head and ran.
After hundreds of years as just performers, magicians are still thought of as thieves.


I need a long vacation...

I was a 1st Grade Conman

I’ve been reading a lot about sideshows and carny grift lately, both books and online. It got me thinking about this memory.

First, you should know I am the “black sheep” of the family. My father worked in a truck parts warehouse. My mother worked in a candy factory and then was a nurse’s aide. They were working class people who never cheated anyone, ever. They also never showed an inclination to the arts. Which made my life all the more disconcerting and, at times, difficult to understand.

Where it came from, I do not know, but it came early.

I was about 8 years-old.
My mother had a few these small decorative bottles, no more than 4 inches tall. They were blue and green cut glass knick-knacks that sat on the mirrored shelves next to our fake fireplace.

I took these bottles and tried to sell them door to door down our street. I not only tried to sell them, but I tried to weave a story. “The bottles were “discovered” buried in my backyard, possibly for a hundred years. Maybe by pirates”. (I was 8.) “They could be valuable, but you can have them now. How much will you give me for ‘em?”

I didn’t sell any. My grandfather, who lived across the street and sat watching the neighborhood all day, turned me in. My parents didn’t really punish me. It was more of a don’t do that again kind of talk.

The real telling thing I saved for last. I actually did dig up those bottles in the backyard. I buried them myself a week earlier to dirty them up and make my pitch more real. I planned the whole thing.

It makes me wonder, nature or nurture, nurture or nature.
Where do we come from?

Oh...and...if you need for couple of bottles to fill out that shelf of bric-a-brac.
Let me know. I'll give you a good price.