It is time for me to start thinking of Christmas and my annual Christmas card. Every one of the past few years I’ve written a poem and hand-made a book for it. I only send a few out (20-30) and only to a special few people. Last year was a tough year for ideas and this year doesn't look any better. I got to get to work.
Here is the first one from 2002, inspired by the great work of Edward Gorey
The Horripiláre Family Christmas
A is for ALICE, frigid cold and all soaking wet,
Should’ve stayed home and shopped by internet.
B is for BRAM, who waged war aside his G.I. Joe,
‘Til the toy land mine decided to blow.
C is for CAROL, who wished for a blue party dress,
Instead, she was crushed in her new wine press.
D is for DANIELLE, who tried to straighten the pine wreath,
When out jumped a bat with monstrous teeth.
E is for EDMUND, who went up the chimney to greet St. Nick,
And was smothered when the smoke got too thick.
F is for FELIX, from all manner of toy could he take a pick,
But, he vanished himself with his new magic trick.
G is for GRANDPA, who gives the holiday toast,
Even though last year he turned into a ghost.
H is for HORTENSE, who ate all the fruitcake,
It took an extra large coffin to complete the wake.
I is for IGNATIUS, who could have tried to walk, run or jog,
Rather than drive after drinking the spiked eggnog.
J is for JANICE, whose dolly seemed, oh, so real,
Fittingly, she fed her an arsenic meal.
K is for KRIS KRINGLE known over the world as Santa Claus,
Until eight mad reindeer taught him who’s the boss.
L is for LESTER, who waited for a kiss under the mistletoe,
And failed to hear them all call, “Look out below!”
M is for MARGARET, now trapped under the ice,
Her new pink skates did fit perfectly nice.
N is for NAOMI, who made cards full of Christmas greeting
But could not stop the paper cuts from bleeding.
O is for OSCAR, who wanted a friend for his lone guppy.
Alas, what he got was one rabid puppy.
P is for PRUDENCE, who tried to fix a broken ornament,
But inhaled way too much model cement.
Q is for QUINCY, poisoned by licking bad envelope glue.
Yes, I think I saw that on Seinfeld too.
R is for REGINALD, who got a patriotic American flag,
But preferred to play in the plastic bag.
S is for SIDNEY, who held onto the string so tight
And was carried away by his new box kite.
T is for TAYLOR, though the warnings were clearly plain,
Somehow got run over by his own toy train.
U is for UMA and her best friend URIAH,
Both died of boredom during Handel’s Messiah.
V is for VANETTA impaled on a Harry Potter broom,
And now encased in an oddly shaped tomb.
W is for WENDY, who was smashed under a gift,
She had not quite the strength to safely lift.
X is for XAVIER, who couldn’t wait to go out and play,
And promptly was hit by a runaway sleigh.
Y is for YOLANDA, Please try not to stare.
She hung herself by the chimney with care.
Z is for ZACHARY, who would survive to his surprise and shame.
For want of a happy ending, the author gladly takes the blame.