Saturday, November 25, 2006

Time to Think Christmas

It is time for me to start thinking of Christmas and my annual Christmas card. Every one of the past few years I’ve written a poem and hand-made a book for it. I only send a few out (20-30) and only to a special few people. Last year was a tough year for ideas and this year doesn't look any better. I got to get to work.

Here is the first one from 2002, inspired by the great work of Edward Gorey

The Horripiláre Family Christmas

A is for ALICE, frigid cold and all soaking wet,
Should’ve stayed home and shopped by internet.

B is for BRAM, who waged war aside his G.I. Joe,
‘Til the toy land mine decided to blow.

C is for CAROL, who wished for a blue party dress,
Instead, she was crushed in her new wine press.

D is for DANIELLE, who tried to straighten the pine wreath,
When out jumped a bat with monstrous teeth.

E is for EDMUND, who went up the chimney to greet St. Nick,
And was smothered when the smoke got too thick.

F is for FELIX, from all manner of toy could he take a pick,
But, he vanished himself with his new magic trick.

G is for GRANDPA, who gives the holiday toast,
Even though last year he turned into a ghost.

H is for HORTENSE, who ate all the fruitcake,
It took an extra large coffin to complete the wake.

I is for IGNATIUS, who could have tried to walk, run or jog,
Rather than drive after drinking the spiked eggnog.

J is for JANICE, whose dolly seemed, oh, so real,
Fittingly, she fed her an arsenic meal.

K is for KRIS KRINGLE known over the world as Santa Claus,
Until eight mad reindeer taught him who’s the boss.

L is for LESTER, who waited for a kiss under the mistletoe,
And failed to hear them all call, “Look out below!”

M is for MARGARET, now trapped under the ice,
Her new pink skates did fit perfectly nice.

N is for NAOMI, who made cards full of Christmas greeting
But could not stop the paper cuts from bleeding.

O is for OSCAR, who wanted a friend for his lone guppy.
Alas, what he got was one rabid puppy.

P is for PRUDENCE, who tried to fix a broken ornament,
But inhaled way too much model cement.

Q is for QUINCY, poisoned by licking bad envelope glue.
Yes, I think I saw that on Seinfeld too.

R is for REGINALD, who got a patriotic American flag,
But preferred to play in the plastic bag.

S is for SIDNEY, who held onto the string so tight
And was carried away by his new box kite.

T is for TAYLOR, though the warnings were clearly plain,
Somehow got run over by his own toy train.

U is for UMA and her best friend URIAH,
Both died of boredom during Handel’s Messiah.

V is for VANETTA impaled on a Harry Potter broom,
And now encased in an oddly shaped tomb.

W is for WENDY, who was smashed under a gift,
She had not quite the strength to safely lift.

X is for XAVIER, who couldn’t wait to go out and play,
And promptly was hit by a runaway sleigh.

Y is for YOLANDA, Please try not to stare.
She hung herself by the chimney with care.

Z is for ZACHARY, who would survive to his surprise and shame.
For want of a happy ending, the author gladly takes the blame.

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